garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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