First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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