so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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