you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
