I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
