I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
