I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
