So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
40s are totally the cure
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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