I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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