I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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