Michael Bay diarrhea
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
