My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize