I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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