Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
