I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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