why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize