I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
