it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
