I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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