I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
