Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
