Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
