my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You are the jesus of drinking
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
