i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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