No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
