haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
