I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
