I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
