I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
