I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
