They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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