All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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