I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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