I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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