That's when you crack a 10am beer
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
