the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
