Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
