If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
either way he was missing a nipple.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
