some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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