why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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