so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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