Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
