Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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