I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
