My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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