I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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