um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
