Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
