We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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