hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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