what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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