watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
