its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
