:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
