My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
