And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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