Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
