I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
