Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
