Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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