U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
