Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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