I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
