i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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