Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
