You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize