oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
